Get Your Team Members Unstuck: The Power of Making Requests
Leaders, ask for more of your team than you think you can, and you may be pleasantly surprised.
It was a typical Tuesday morning at 8:30, and I was working with my personal trainer. What I love about my trainer is that she doesn’t yell or intimidate. Instead, she has this uncanny ability to see potential in me that I often miss in myself. She shows it by making requests of me.
“I think you’re ready to add a fourth set on those rows,” she said calmly, with the kind of confidence that made me almost believe her. Almost.
“Are you kidding me?” I responded, both in my head and out loud. She only smiled and said, “I’ve been watching your form. Your strength. You’ve been ready for weeks. You just don’t know it yet.”
After the initial shock wore off, I realized I had a choice to make:
I could accept her request: “OK, I trust you!”
I could say no: “Hard pass.”
I could make a counteroffer: “How about I add the set but lower the weight and see how that feels?”
Regardless of which choice I made, one thing was abundantly clear: My trainer was seeing some strength in me that I wasn’t seeing in myself and asking me to bring it forth.
There is value in making requests of clients.
As a leadership coach, I make huge requests of clients on a regular basis. Just as Rachel doesn’t start our sessions with the hardest exercise, I build trust and rapport first. Then, when the moment is right, I make the kind of request that might initially make my clients think, “Are you kidding me?” I have requested that a senior leader, whose job was at risk because of her temper, leave her office and go outside every single time she felt triggered, until she could trust herself to manage her reactions.
I have requested that a new leader stop looking at his recent promotion as something he needed to minimize in front of his former peers. Instead, I encouraged him to start looking at it as an opportunity to lead the team in an exciting new direction. I have requested that a team leader stop blaming her team for setbacks and start recognizing and naming her contributions to these setbacks.
These requests range from: starting to do something that needs to be done to stopping a habit holding them or the team back; saying something that needs to be said to not saying things that are damaging; and changing self-limiting beliefs to more empowering, strengths-focused thinking.
See the potential in your team.
When do I make a huge request of my clients to change their thinking or behavior? When I sense they’re ready for a big lift (pun intended) but are:
Reticent
Reluctant
Rigid
Reserved
In other words, when they are stuck or holding back for some reason, it’s my job as coach to see in them potential and capabilities they don’t see in themselves and call them to the forefront. Just as my trainer doesn’t just hand me heavier weights, she helps me see why I’m ready for them.
This is your job, too. By doing this, you demonstrate your trust in your team, create a motivating, and yes, perhaps scary, call to action, support their growth and development as contributors, help them move your business forward, and coach them to have a new level of commitment. Perhaps most important, however, you model a skill that you as a leader should be using with your teams: making requests of people to grow, to develop them and the business, too.
Be clear on the difference between a request and a requirement.
As a leader in your organization, you need to be very clear with your team members whether what you’re asking for is an imperative–no isn’t an option–or a request to which they can respond yes or no or make a counteroffer. To truly build trust, you cannot confuse the two. Fewer things violate more the confidence team members have in their leaders than for leaders to make requests that are really thinly veiled commands.
As a leader, there are few greater opportunities to demonstrate trust in and commitment to the growth of your team members and business than to set high expectations. Making requests is a great tool to get your people to meet those expectations.
As Walmart founder Sam Walton remarked, “High expectations are everything.” The role of leaders is to give their team the opportunities, tools, and belief in themselves to reach them — and making huge requests is one excellent strategy to get them there.
Now, I’m off to my next session with trainer, wondering what opportunity for strengthening my confidence–and yes, my physical strength–she’s going to offer me by making requests of me today. Because just like great leadership, great growth often starts with someone else believing in you before you fully believe in yourself.
Deborah Grayson Riegel MSW, PCC
Deborah Grayson Riegel is a keynote speaker and consultant who teaches leadership communication for Wharton Business School and Columbia Business School. She is a regular contributor for Harvard Business Review, Inc., Psychology Today, Forbes, and Fast Company. The author of Overcoming Overthinking: 36 Ways to Tame Anxiety for Work, School, and Life, she consults and speaks for clients including Amazon, BlackRock, KraftHeinz, PepsiCo, and The United States Army. Her work has been featured in worldwide media, including Bloomberg Businessweek, Oprah Magazine, and The New York Times.
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