How Women Leaders Can Bounce Back Stronger After Setbacks

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You know, those gut-wrenching moments when a project flops, a promotion slips away, or a client takes their business elsewhere? I do. We all do.

And bouncing back from setbacks can be extra challenging for women. No, it's not just in our heads.

Research shows that we often face higher scrutiny and harsher judgment for mistakes compared to our male counterparts. Plus, we're more likely to internalize failure and blame ourselves, which can seriously bruise our confidence.

But wait, there's more! Women leaders often have less access to those "old boys' club" power networks where juicy opportunities and insider intel get shared. And let's not forget the double bind of being expected to be both emotionally attuned AND totally unfazed by challenges. It's like trying to do yoga while juggling chainsaws!

Oh, and did I mention that women still shoulder the lion's share of domestic duties? Talk about a time and energy drain when you're trying to invest in professional growth post-setback.

Lastly, our old frenemies imposter syndrome and perfectionism love to rear their ugly heads when things go wrong, whispering that we're not good enough to bounce back.

(Fun, right?)

But here's what I've learned: Setbacks aren't just inevitable - they're invaluable. They're opportunities to grow, learn, and come back stronger than ever. And as women, we bring unique superpowers to the bounce-back game.

Here’s what to do:

1. Name it to Tame It

First things first: When setbacks hit, it's okay to feel all the things. As women, we're often socialized to appear composed 24/7. But bottling up disappointment? That's a one-way ticket to Burnout City.

Give yourself permission to process those emotions, whether it's through journaling, venting to a trusted friend, or busting out your best shower karaoke. Research shows that naming and validating your feelings reduces their intensity and sets the stage for healthier processing.

Extra tip: stay away from super judgy secondary emotions, like “I feel guilty about feeling sad” or “I feel angry about feeling stuck.” Not helpful. Send those thoughts into timeout ASAP.

2. Mine the Setback for Gold

Once you've felt your feels, it's time to put on your miner's hat and dig for lessons. The Journal of Management Studies highlights that setbacks are goldmines for self-improvement, especially for introspective women leaders.

So, channel your inner detective and analyze what went wrong. Were there blind spots or assumptions that tripped you up? Skills or knowledge gaps to fill? By pinpointing specific areas for growth, you can refine your strategies and make more informed decisions next time.

How do you know if you're hitting Fool's Gold instead of the good stuff? If you find yourself blaming, shaming, ruminating, or catastrophizing instead of acknowledging, accepting, and making a plan.

3. Revisit Your "Why"

When setbacks knock us down, it's easy to lose sight of the big picture. That's where purpose comes in. According to Harvard Business Review, purpose-driven leadership helps women stay motivated through challenges.

Take a step back and reconnect with your "why." What drives you? What impact do you want to make? By anchoring yourself in purpose, you can reframe setbacks as temporary speedbumps on the road to making a difference.

I’m leaning into this strategy right now. I’m having some motivation setbacks as I hit year 21 of my business, and each day, I spend a few minutes thinking about my “whys”. Why do I do what I do? To help people. To have a positive impact. To learn and grow myself. To support my family. To have fun.

4. Phone a Friend (or Mentor, or Peer)

When I hit a roadblock, my instinct is to turn inward, and cuddle up on my couch with a blanket, a dog (well, MY dog), and my grudge. It’s rarely my instinct to reach out and talk to someone. But then I do, and I always feel better.

Setbacks can be isolating, especially if we're worried about judgment or appearing weak. But here's the truth: We're stronger together. Lean In's research highlights the power of professional networks for women navigating tough times.

Don't go it alone! Reach out to mentors, peers, or trusted advisors for guidance and support. Chances are, they've faced similar challenges and can offer fresh perspectives or practical advice. Plus, a little commiseration and cheerleading can work wonders for your mojo.

5. Celebrate the Small Stuff

When you're in the throes of a setback, it's easy to fixate on what's not working. But positive psychology research shows that celebrating small wins is crucial for rebuilding confidence and momentum.

My favorite question to ask myself is “what IS working?” It can be as small as realizing that I’m in the middle of a great Netflix series or that my 24-year-old twins still call me every day. Find the bright spots in the darkness.

6. Dream Bigger, Not Smaller

Finally, refuse to shrink your ambitions because of a setback. The “Women in the Workplace” report by McKinsey & Company found that women often hesitate to pursue stretch assignments after disappointments. But playing it safe? That's a surefire way to stall your growth.

Instead, use setbacks as fuel to dream even bigger. Double down on your development. Seek out challenging projects. Expand your network. The most successful leaders aren't the ones who avoid failure - they're the ones who learn from it and keep reaching anyway.

The Bottom Line

Listen, setbacks are never fun. But they're also not fatal. By processing emotions, mining for lessons, leaning on community, and staying true to your purpose, you can transform disappointments into rocket fuel for your leadership.

As the incomparable Brené Brown puts it: "Rising strong after a fall is how we cultivate wholeheartedness in our lives."

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Deborah Grayson Riegel MSW, PCC

Deborah Grayson Riegel is a keynote speaker and consultant who teaches leadership communication for Wharton Business School and Columbia Business School. She is a regular contributor for Harvard Business Review, Inc., Psychology Today, Forbes, and Fast Company. The author of Overcoming Overthinking: 36 Ways to Tame Anxiety for Work, School, and Life, she consults and speaks for clients including Amazon, BlackRock, KraftHeinz, PepsiCo, and The United States Army. Her work has been featured in worldwide media, including Bloomberg Businessweek, Oprah Magazine, and The New York Times.

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